Steve the Self Help Wiz!

This Week’s Prompt: 107. Wall paper cracks off in sinister shape—man dies of fright.

The Resulting Research:In The Walls

This story in part brought to you by our patrons on Pateron

Blog Day 1.

Hey busy bodies! It’s Steve the Self Help Wiz here again. Now I know I usually do outdoors stuff[1]

You don’t really know your house until your stuck in it. And I don’t mean “I have to wait for several hours for my plumber to arrive” stuck, I mean “if I leave the house the police will send me to jail where I’ll die[2]” stuck. Keeping a blog helps keep you sane, though, so I’ve started this little thing.

I figure while I’m stuck, I can get some housework done at least. I got the dishes done, dusted most of the living room, got the wobbly leg of the dinner table fixed. I really think that just having something to do, even if its small, can help keep the mind when your isolated. And video tutorials make great company when your unclogging your sink.

Turns out, hardware stores are essential retailers too. Which means I can get some new wallpaper for the upstairs rooms. They’d started to peel years ago, and to be honest I just never really used them. I was gonna look into an Airbnb or something like that, but well. Guess it’s time to get that whole thing fixed up.

I do think it’s time to fix this old sea-shell print with something a bit more…land locked. I’m thinking some seashells—especially to cover up some of the places that have peeled. I swear this one here looks like a skull, creeps[3] me out.

What kind of wallpaper do you guys use? Or is it just paint? Let me know in the comments!

 

Blog 2

Hey Self-Helpers! Your favorite DIY home guy is here. Managed to find what was causing the problem with that squeaky chair—got the screws tightened and everything is A-Okay. And I’ve unclogged the sink—turns out you shouldn’t use a plunger, who knew right? But I got all the old grease out of there, made things right as rain.

And speaking of, the rain today was something wasn’t it? Found a few leaks I’ll have to patch up. Hard to do that inside, of course, but I think I’ll manage. Laid some pots out, might boil the water it later—I think rain water’s still safe these days. Boiling should get rid of anything, a quick nuke in the microwave gets rid of most any problems[4].

Now, there was one more thing that came up today—and I’d like your guys help with it! So, you guys know I put up more wallpaper up in those rooms I was going to rent out—and thanks to everyone warning me about Airbnb’s practices, really, but now’s not the time. Anyway, the wallpaper’s peeling again—apparently the previous owners tried patching it up too, there’s some weird triangle pattern beneath the flowers that came off. Anyway, I’m going to try and get all the wallpaper off and layer over it. Any suggestions for what I should put up instead?

P.S. I swear it keeps making creepy stuff. Like, everyone else sees a spider or something like that right?

Blog Post 3

Hello Busy Bees! Thanks to everyone who let me know that spray can masks can act as effective face masks, in a pinch—I’ll link the modifications they need below[5]. You might still find some at Home Depot and Lowes—although act fast. Anything through the grapevines bound to dry up. Remember that anti-biotic stuff?

Anyway, to the main event. Yes, the wallpaper’s torn again—and thanks to the wonderful suggestion that I just make the photos into a gallery piece. I mean it that’s great. Positive thinking like that can get you through a lot, especially three weeks into something like this, when you can go a bit batty. Walks to the grocery store aren’t always enough, you know?

But you asked, so here it is!

And here’s the special surprise—yeah, the normal peeling point has moved. Here’s a close up.

So yeah, it’s spread out a bit—and the weird peelings are getting, yeah, a bit weirder. I mean, I’ve got to just be seeing things right? These don’t look like skulls, but as the helpful commentor JoeBeshi1990 pointed out, they do kinda look like skulls if your rotate them ninety degrees. Anyway, going to try some more heavy duty stuff.

And while I appreciate the concern for my health, I can’t really move right now can I? Already having trouble keeping my routine going,  what with the party across the street. And no, I can’t “call a priest”. I did look into it, but even the Hospitals are down priests lately. Something about health hazards, but that’s just the news lately?

Anyway, that’s today’s news. Let me know  if you have any other tips and tricks for your fellow DIY enthusiast out there!

Post 4

Hey DIY fans! We’ve been inside for over two months now, so I’ve got some more ways to fix that furniture you might have knocked over. And here[6] you have some of my advice on how to properly repair the glasses you might have also knocked over, especially if the local store has run out of replacements[7].

So I think we can rule out structural problems here, I think. It is probably a mold in retrospect. Spreads like mold. So we’re going to try  tearing back what’s left, then peeling back the dry wall to see if there’s something growing in there that we can dis-infect. It’s going to be loud but theirs been worse. See my prior post about sound proofing your bedroom, that can help keep that sort of things quieter, especially moving things around in relatively interior spaces.

And for the ghouls[8] out there, yes there are new pictures. Here you go:

This one’s really weird. Seems…fractally?

Now again, I want to stress this—I cannot leave the house except for Lowes and getting groceries without getting in trouble with the police[9]. That means no, I can’t go to some empath or buy some crystals. I’ve looked online, but for now shipping across state lines isn’t easy, and its pretty expensive to buy these crystals. Moneys tight with only your generous donations to patreonand some small ad revenue—and, yeah, emergency fees but that’s not going to cover weird New Age stuff.

If anyone has DIY solutions for stuff like healing crystals, let me know! I heard it’s pretty easy to grow crystals and if you can buy the supplies from an essential retail office, then I’m game! Comment below!

5

I’ve just boarded up the entire upstairs. It’s gotten too much. I’ll get it fumigated or whatever when this blows over. I drew some of those drawings as straight as I could—great use for a standard compass by the way, along with a straight edge and a ruler. Don’t know if I got all the words right, but hey, if it keeps it upstairs, all the better. There isn’t much wall paper downstairs—I was going to put new wallpaper in but this fiasco’s kept me occupied. Honestly, probably better that I didn’t right? At this rate, who knows what will happen.

Now, DIY fans, I’m going to get to work on that old shed I promised. Here[10]’s some old pictures I have of the interior, but tomorrow I’m going to check in and see if it’s changed much recently.

 

[1] Steve’s prior entries include one on the construction of a porch, and various types of chairs, predominantly red.

[2] Jails and other confined places were common vectors of diseases at the time, resulting in an increased frequency of cases there.

[3] A curious bird, sometimes called the yo-yo bird reported in a few mountain areas, particuarly in the Rockies. The awal is said to grip its prey, and fly high into the air. Unlike most birds, however, it does not tear into its food. Rather, it drops the morsel from a great height and dives after it. The awal bird does this many times, until the poor mouse—or larger creature—suffers a heart attack and dies. Then, the awal bird feasts on the perfectly preserved remains. Stories suggest that a larger bird, or that flocks of them, will seize small children for meals.

[4] Viral infections, and the common housefly, are actually too small to meaningfully be affected by microwave ovens. Microwaving one’s mail or water will kill some bacterial infections, but not much else. Paper however can carry the infection for several hours unless properly observed.

[5] Link no longer available.

[6] Link no longer available

[7] Glass shortages are a commonly under-reported sign of social unrest, but not entirely unheard of.

[8] A ghouls is a creature of Arabic folklore, known for lurking in graveyards. The star Algol is named after a ghoul, and was thought to presage a vast and terrible battles, or other calamities, as the star ‘feasted’ on the dead.

[9] No outstanding warrants for Steve the Self Help Wiz have been located by our staff. Investigations are ongoing however.

[10] The first printing of  Moldovi’s Ancient and Classic Stories: Tall Tales and Exciting Adventures from Around the Globe contained a number of misprints and factual errors or outright forgeries. After some considerations, and much conversation, a number of pieces have been removed. Major alterations include: The Awal Bird* illustration, misprinted in one in three instances; the Jala dog*, which was determined to be a derogatory tale from local Spanish authorities and having no real basis in tales of the area; the Womi-tali*, a combination of nonsense syllables that again, appears to be an English invention of little providence; the illustration of Typhon, misprinted in one in four cases; an instance of the Grootslang* misprinted in one in five cases; the picture of the Faerie Queen, misprinted in six out of ten cases; the story of the Wandering Sword, rewritten after a second translation; and lastly the image of the dying Medusa, misprinted in one of five^[10]*. In cases where originals could be found, they were printed. In cases where they could not be located, sadly, omissions had to be made. These are marked with a * above.

In The Walls

This Week’s Prompt: 107. Wall paper cracks off in sinister shape—man dies of fright.

The Resulting Story: FORTHCOMING

This research in part brought to you by our patrons on Pateron

This story  is one of the rare few that I believe can be traced directly to an existing inspiration. The Yellow Wallpaper  was published in 1892, and while it does not feature the exact prompt here, the detail of the shape of the cracking wallpaper calls to mind that story. The story itself deserves a full treatment, as it proves foundational to a number of horror tropes and notions—the unreliable narrator, as a start, but also malignant architecture and strange sights. The story itself has been interpreted as being a feminist work about the poor treatment of women, particularly the frequently suggested cure of the time of essentially ceasing intellectual activity to avoid hysteria. You can read the full story here.

The idea, however, of the walls containing something malicious isn’t unheard of past this story. Staying in the realm of horror, before venturing into folklore, we have Mr. Lovecraft’s own Rats in the Walls, where things lurking beneath the walls prove the maddening undoing of the main character. We have Edgar Allen Poe’s story of the Black Cat, where a woman’s body is buried in the walls after a murder, and the specter of his guilt manifests on the wall—and the Tell Tale Heart, where the thumping of a long dead heart.

In folklore, the idea of malignancy being placed within a building is an old one. We discussed, when talking about thepower of magic, the Tibetan death curse that must be planted in the roof of a building. We’ve also discussed how within walls, we canbury guardians to secure our fortune here. But today I’d like to examine a few more examples of how things hidden, just out of sight in our architecture, can spell misfortune. And how they can bring blessings.

A common example of this is found in witchcraft stories—one I’ve discussed on Patreoncomes from Basque country. Here a witch has afflicted a princess with a terrible, wilting disease, by placing a toad beneath a statue. Until the toad is removed from the garden, she cannot hope for a cure—and by this means the witch seeks to inflict untold misery on her victims. The day is saved by an orphan listening in and going out to undo the harm. We see similar uses of toads elsewhere, where their mere presence causes trouble as discussed here.

In the astrology treatise of Al Hakim, a number of talismans are noted—prepared properly, these talismans can work a number of magical wonders. They can destroy enemies, corrupt cities, prevent marriages, assure positions of power, end crops, and more. These talismans operate with the power of celestial spheres, which exert power over men’s lives and minds already. The power of talismans, utilizing these spiritual forces, is something almost divine. Of particular note are terrible talismans that bring enmity and hatred among lovers and friends. Placing these at meeting points can unravel relationships entirely. Many of these talismans require specific stones to be engraved at the right hour, to better call down the spirits and forces at work. Among Coptic talismans, many are aimed at the relationships between families—cutting marriages to achieve one’s love, transfiguring a woman into a horse, and so on.

Talisman Scripts, from the above text.

Albanian stories of witchcraft suggest that with careful application of pig bones, one can bind an evil into a building. By creating a cross of the bones and hanging it outside the door of the building (particularly a church), this will trap them in the building and cause a panic. On the first of march, you can keep them from entering by driving horns into the ashes of a chimney, or hanging scissors at the door—a wise choice, as that is the night the witches gather.

Protection and curses worked into the foundations of the household or building are thus rather common in European folklore and practice, as well as in places beyond. The family in particular is vulnerable to madness by the house—something that perhaps ties back to the haunted houses we had discussed in the past. The house thus is the hearth, the home, the source of vitality. And there is not much more research I can say on that.

Except to discuss where we might take this as a writer. Now, the original story of Yellowed Wallpaper certainly features the decline of the domestic relationship in an almost gothic way. The unreliable narrator begins to see strange things, goes mad and even assaults her husband for her poor treatment, her mind gone by the end from being trapped in such a place. And most of our stories have played, perhaps, on a similar notion of madness in their own way.

If there is something archetypical here, in malevolent architecture as a conceit, I would suggest it is in fact the haunted and cursed house. But not the house that is haunted by necessarily a ghost—not by necessarily a precisely human and anthropomorphic phantom. Strange patterns on the wall call to mind the mathematical regularity of fractals and geometry that Mr. Lovecraft feared stretched to infinite. Terrible shapes here remind me of fungus, and the cracks in the wall from Edgar Allen Poe resemble a cat. A house that is wicked in its own way, terrible in-it-self, not by housing some other intellect. It reminds or suggests to me another house entirely, and perhaps a more sinister version of miraculous images that we discussed here.

Household gods like these often served as protective talismans for the household.

We have also a prompt that is very much the climax of a story. This is not a full tale, but rather the ending or mid point of a story of domestic madness. We could follow prior writers here and suggest that this strange breaking shape is a product of an existing neurosis. An ill omen taken shape in the wallpaper itself. If these walls could talk indeed. This cursed narration I think should have an unreliable narrator—both because of the original story, the Yellowed Wallpaper, and the other story this reminds me of.

Writing an unreliable narrator is somewhat difficult, I find. If done well, it provides a layer of mystery to the events—it provides intrigue and a question of reality. But it is a device that, to me, always begs the question of why. Unlike a third person omniscient narrator, or even third person limited, with an unreliable narrator we are deep within the mind of our main character. The character needs a reason to be telling us this story. Attention needs to be drawn to “how did we come across this” in a way that other stories often lack.

Now, there are some reasons to tell such a story. One is part of a confession—a somewhat common reason, in many cases. While not a literal confession, this is the function that the Tell Tale Heart and the Shadows Over Innsmouth and even, arguably, Crime and Punishment. Here we begin with being told the guilty party justifying or explaining his crime, in someway as to make us sympathetic. However, there are other methods. There are stories like the Yellowed Wallpaper, where no justification is needed—the story is simply presented as is. Others function as a found manuscript—a story we were perhaps never meant to see, or one that has been restored by an outside agent…ah, I keep thinking of that house. It must be the weight of the plague on my mind.

So which will our story be? Well…I prefer the edited manuscript. It is perhaps from being too deep among the books this week in research, trying to find half remembered stories to fit this article, but there is I think something more horrific and mysterious about a manuscript you stumble across then one that is given as pure confession. In the case of confession, it is hard if not impossible to avoid the idea that they have clearly committed a crime. What is and isn’t true is much more apparent, I think, if you know they have already done some wrong doing.

But textual corruption, editing, age, and omission by the writer and others who have had their hands on it all can contribute to changes and secrets. References to common aphorisms, long forgotten, can easily make a text almost incomprehensible. That is something that fits my tastes much better than before.

What cursed houses have you heard of?

Bibliography:

Atallah, Hastem, translator. Picactrix: The Goal of the Wise by Ghayat Al-Hakim.

Durham, M. Edith. “121. Of Magic, Witches and Vampires in the Balkans”. Man, Vol. 23 (Dec., 1923), pp. 189-192. Royal Anthropological Institute of Great Britain and Ireland.

Monteiro, Mariana. Legends and Popular Tales of the Basque People. New York, New York. F.A. Stokes 1891.

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Nightrider

This Week’s Prompt:106. A thing that sat on a sleeper’s chest. Gone in morning, but something left behind.

The Prior Research:Terrors in the Night

This story in part brought to you by our patrons on Pateron

Regina was having the worst day in a long time. She was running on fumes, caffeine replacing at least six to eight hours of sleep. The tram was packed, people chatting and buzzing about. She slowly blinked as the doors opened and the wave of people exiting collided with the people trying to enter. There was shuffling as someone tried to push a wheel chair through.

There. A seat. Regina moved quickly, sitting down against the window before anyone else had a chance. It was only two more stops, but having a seat was worth a few angry grumbles and curses from passers by when they realized they missed their chance. With a chime, the tram began underway, trudging along.

One of the seats across from her opened up—she noticed when the kid and his dad got up for the next stop. Somehow, no one caught it until the next crowd pushed in. Regina wouldn’t have cared—more annoying chatter. And, oh, this one had an unhappy baby. Wonderful.

What did catch her attention was when someone took the seat. And started looking…at her? Some guy in a business suit, tie askew, hair starting to gray. Scuffed up shoes too. It took a moment to register if he was looking at her, or if he was looking out the window. But now. He was…leering at her.

The tram’s chipper automated voice called out her stop and she pushed her way out, glaring at the asshole. Later, Regina wasn’t entirely sure if she flipped him off or really wanted to flip him off. But whatever. She got home, almost an hour past sundown, and had some ramen, and collapsed on the bed after making sure the windows were closed. It was  humid and cold, and Regina barely noticed the fading handprint on the window.

*

“It was how big?” Carol asked. Regina held up her finger—and pointed at the approximate length of the glass shard that had cut her cheek when she woke up.

“No idea how it got there.” Regina muttered as she prepped the first batch of coffee for the day. “But yeah, not a great gash. Tossed it—don’t even remember breaking that bowl.”

“How do you forget shattering a bowl? Like, I know your house always looks like a hurricane hit but still.”

“It didn’t shatter—just like, chipped? That’s what its called right?” Regina muttered tapping the edge of the coffee pot. “Just a bit.”

“Yeah, but how did it—You know what, who knows.” Carol said, waving it off as the doors opened, and the first few customers drifted in. “Probably just weird.”

*

The day was exhausting. Her back hurt the entire time, she’d managed to pull something in her sleep apparently, and she felt her mind drifting out the back of her skull half the time. Coffee shop to call center, Regina felt herself wilting away. She barely had energy to eat when she got home. And then she tried to sleep.

There was something about her bed. Something that made her hands shake when she peeled back the covers. Suddenly alert, Regina searched her pillows for any other random bits that might have gotten there—she checked her jacket that she had tossed on it when she got home, she checked her shirt for any thistles or needles or pins. Nothing. She breathed in and out, and lied down to sleep.

*

There was something on her chest—something heavy as she struggled to open her eyes. As sunlight started to shine down from the window above her bed, she felt it shifting. Something heavy, her arms and legs numb. It was moving, it’s legs pushing beneath her ribs. She could barely breath, even as she felt something sharp.

It was stabbing in, stinging pain spreading up her side. Her hands were shaking as the warmth of the sun spread up her feet, up her legs, and slowly up her chest and hands. The weight and the pain faded, and Regina opened her eyes. For a moment she caught sight of a great shape, a leering grin of smoke vanishing into the night. She felt at the pain—nothing but a bruise. It as numb to touch at first, felt like hundreds of pin pricks when she tried to move.

And then she found it—a thumb tack, sitting there, point up. If she’d rolled the other way out of bed, it’ would have stabbed her.

*

It was a really ordinary thing, the mystery tack. Top was a bit rusted, and she knew she’d checked for this sort of thing before she went to bed. And that thing—that grinning lumbering thing in her bed. It was like a dog with people’s teeth.

“I—you know, I think I’ve heard of that.” Carol said, looking at the tack. “Yeah. Mom said Aunt Morgan had some trouble with that sort of thing, I think.”

“Oh yeah? What fixed it? Should I eat garlic before bed or something?” Regina asked, clicking the coffee machine on, as the loud grinding of beans began.

“Hey, that got rid of the cold, didn’t it?”

“Okay, fair enough, it did.” Regina sighed, rubbing her temple. “Sorry, no sleep sets me on edge. Did she say what it was?”

“Well…yeah. I mean. Aunt Morgan thought she was being cursed or haunted or something like that.” Carol said, scratching the back of her head. “I can probably give her a call for some remedies or something.”

“Cursed?”

“Yeah, or haunted, or something.” Carol said slowly, drawing out each word. “You know. Someone didn’t like her, sicced some sort angry cat ghost on her, nearly killed her, so she got some stuff together to—”

“Wait what? Nearly killed her? Go back, go back.” Regina said blinking. “I mean, a bruise and a small cut aren’t great but killed her?”

“I mean, Mom made it sound like she got stuffed full of stuff and couldn’t breathe.” Carol said, eyes locked on the sweets that were being put out. “I’m sure it’s you know. Something more like a panic attack or something.”

*

Regina still didn’t trust the…stuff Carol had brought over. Her mom swore by it though. One was…one of those dream catchers she’d had as a kid, over the door. Which she was pretty sure didn’t work like that? Then a fishing net to cover the curtains.  Some water to help her sleep, and at last some salt.

“Salt? Really? How is that supposed to help?” Regina asked, looking at the small jar.

“Ghosts don’t like salt. Neither do curses and other stuff, you know. C’mon, even TV gets that right.”

“…alright, so I just scatter the salt, and then it won’t get close.” Regina asked, frowning. “Assuming it gets through the nets and stuff.”

“Well, not quite. You’ve got to push the jar over it.” Carol said, shaking the salt. “Um. Well. Mom said you’ll wake up, and see it. And you’ve got to push the jar over it, then close it. Should trap the thing.”

“What’s going to wake me up?”

“She didn’t say, just you would.”

Regina sighed as she lay down in her bed to sleep. She’d scattered the salt all over the room, and the nets were all up. And so, nervously, she fell asleep.

*

She vaguely heard something snap in the darkness—but returned to sleep, too dream-addled to care. Regina woke again, a bit later, when she heard something like tearing cloth napkins. She’d always hated that sound.

It sounded like someone choking on their own phlegm. She woke up to the gurgling howling noise, and saw it there in the moonlight. Net torn around it’s shoulders, bubbling like a slug in the salt. It was slimey, mold thing, like rice vomited up. It saw her. It howled and stumbled towards the bed. She saw the flash of a knife in it’s hand.

She grabbed the jar and pulled herself up. The knife missed her wrist, barely, as she forced the jar on its head. It howled, but slid in, pulled itself in. Bits of it got on the edge of the jar, even as Regina forced it to the floor. Squirming green-black bits that a bit of salt burned off.

She put it on the shelf, after sealing the jar with the lid—there was something written on the underside of the lid, Regina didn’t know what. She put it on the shelf and stared at it in the dark. It squirmed, small and hateful. Yellowed eyes now blood shot stared back at her from the mass of rot.

She left it in the closet, and tried to forget that she’d ever seen it. Still there, every night, leering from behind the glass.

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